Another fab photo taken by our very good friend Martin- thanks for letting me use it.
My mum and I often laugh about the fact that we don't have to look for trouble in our family because it always finds us easily. Anyone else know that feeling?
What we have learnt over the years is that it is easy to look through the prism of life and experience one problem and challenge after another. It is very daunting. But we have always learnt that if you look for blessings these are there too. Every day and even in the most trying of circumstances. It is a much better frame through which to see life. No doubt about it.
Some examples. Yesterday evening I found out that my chemotherapy has been delayed another week at least because of my blood count. This happened last time. I should be going in today as an inpatient for chemo cycle number three. So teddy and toothbrush are unpacked again. I told quite a few folk straight away as they were involved in the inevitable logistics of the week, and I received lots of texts and messages saying how sorry people are for me about it. I appreciate their kindness and concern. They think I will be keen to get on with my treatment,and to some extent they are right... but....
There is an element of disappointment and frustration in there, but it is just an element. It is is what it is, and what will be, will be. I decided at the beginning of this stage of the journey that I would just go with the flow, just float along in the river of life and not cling to the sides too much. It is a strategy that is working well for me. It is less tiring and frustrating than fighting every inch of the way.
My wonderful friend B is here to see me from Seattle ( yes- Seattle USA- she came over for a week to see me and her son). The postponement means I get to spend another day with her. She was our matron of honour and is teenager's Godmother and one of my oldest friends. It is a great support for me to have her here. We can spend more time catching up and drinking coffee. Excellent. She leaves on Thursday.
The delay is much better for other half. He is around much more next week and will be here while I get my treatment which takes pressure off the system all round. Much more relaxing for me while I am recovering from the impact of the treatment. Much less strain on him.
I get the chance to look after teenager while the rest of this exam week works its way through. I will be here to pick up, drop off and cook lovely healthy brain boosting food.
I can spend time with mum going to drink coffee at Blackwell House or Marks and Spencers. I can drive about and feel vaguely normal for a while longer. My brain is sharp, and my energy is great. I will still have hair for at least another ten days or so. I can go to Church on Sunday. I can have coffee after school drop off with my school mum friends tomorrow, Friday and next Monday.
And next week, I will probably get my treatment. It is waiting for me, and next week I will even more prepared, and stronger.
Sometimes it takes a magnifying glass to spot the privileges and benefits in a diffcult situation. I know this very well, but I getting to be a master at it, and it is definitely the best way and the only way to live in my opinion. Call it silver lining spotting, call it frustatingly optimistic, call it deluded. It maybe all of those things, but it really works.