Saturday, 12 June 2010

There's more than a grain of truth in this...........

This is funny & obviously written by a former Soldier ....


I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 42 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:- Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry'
We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some ratbag that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a..m.
Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.
Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys..
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.
We've also developed an appreciation for guns.
We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way..

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 ....in menopause!
You think Men have attitudes! Ohhhhhh my God!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol....
They'll have it secured the first night!

9 comments:

Gill - That British Woman said...

I sent this to my step-father who is a former soilder, and would get the humour in all of this.

Gill in Canada

Loopin said...

Love it!!!!!!

Angie said...

Ever so funny but more than a grain of truth in there!

Busy Bee Suz said...

This is so funny!!! I love the way he thinks...so true.

Irritatingly Optimistic said...

and he's right. Send the grumpy old men out there and leave us to shop and drink coffee!

karen gerstenberger said...

Oh, yes, so true...I'm menopausal, and frankly, sometimes I'm scared of myself!
Hope you are having a good week. I've thought of you and prayed with you. XOXO

Snowdrop said...

Brill!

Maggie May said...

Ha ha. Very good.
Yes...... how do 18 year old soldiers get out of bed in the morning or even out of their tanks/trenches/ whatever they sleep in?
Maggie

Nuts in May

Polergirl said...

Hehehee fantastic! Jeez the enemy wouldn't stand a chance!